=== THE DIETER'S GUIDE TO WEIGHT LOSS DURING SEX ===

----------------------------------------------------
ACTIVITY................CALORIES BURNED
----------------------------------------------------
REMOVING CLOTHES          
With partner's consent.....12    
Without partner's consent....187

UNHOOKING BRA:   
Using two calm
hands........7     
Using one trembling hand...36

ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE:
Shoes flew off...............35
Expression didn't change....1/2
Orchestra swelled.............6
Earth moved..................30
Birds sang
Large birds..................7
Small birds..................3
         
MISCELLANEOUS:
Lifting
partner............15     
Dragging partner on floor..16    
Using skateboard............3 

PULLING OUT:
After orgasm................1/2
A few moments before
orgasm..............500

PENIS ENVY:
For woman.....................3
For men......................72

ACHIEVING ERECTIONS:
For normal healthy man....2.5    
Losing erection............14    
Searching for it..........115

PUTTING ON CONDOM:
With erection.............1.5    
Without erection..........300 

INSERTING DIAPHRAGM: 
If the woman who does it is      
Experienced.................6     
Inexperienced..............73 
If a man does it..........680     
Add (5) calories for retrieving  it from across the room.     

ACCORDING TO NATIONALITY:       
Italian - Man on top,woman in kitchen....................26    
Russian - Woman on bottom, Man getting permission.....55
American - Both on top......60 

SIDE EFFECTS INTERCOURSE:        
Bouncing....................7    
Sliding around..............9    
Serious skidding...........12    
Whiplash...................27 

GUILT:
Despite no formal training, orgasm comes easily..........53
You're enjoying sex, despite the fact that other people
are starving....................21
Sex on your lunch hour........3
Putting it on expense account.........20
   
AGGRAVATION:
Partner keeps showing plants..5
Partner insists on cuddling
the dog during foreplay..........14
Partner visiting bathroom for 7th time.....................10
Partner taking phone calls..............7
Partner making phone calls............40

GETTING CAUGHT:
By partner's spouse..........60
By your spouse..............100
Trying to explain............55
Trying to remain calm.......100
Leaping out of bed...........75
Getting dressed in one motion..............500
Thanking partner quickly......2

ORGASM:
Real.......................27
Faked.....................160