9 More Limericks


There was a young lady named Knox,
Who kept a pet snake in her box.
     It was trained not to hiss,
     When she sat down to piss,
But would nibble the noggins off cocks.
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A remarkable race are the Persians;
They have such peculiar diversions.
     They make love the whole day,
     In the usual way,
And save up the nights for perversions.
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There was a young girl of Tonga,
Used to diddle herself with a conga.
     When asked how it feels,
     To be pleasured by eels,
She said, "just like a man, only longa."
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The spouse of a pretty young thing,
Came home from the war in the spring.
     He was lame, but he came,
     With his dame like a flame;
A discharge is a wonderful thing.
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There once was a couple named Kelley,
Who had to walk belly to belly,
     Because in their haste,
     They used wallpaper paste,
Instead of petroleum jelly.
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An old maiden who barely did kissing,
Soon discovered what she had been missing.
     When laid down on the sod,
     She cried out, "Oh, Gaaawwwwwdddd!
All these years I just used it for pissing!"
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There was a knight named Sir Lancelot,
Who went to parties and danced a lot,
     When making a pass,
     At a young pretty lass,
The front of his pants would advance a lot!
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A milkmaid there was, with a stutter,
Who was lonely and wanted a flutter.
     She had nowhere to turn,
     So she diddled a churn,
And managed to come with the butter.
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The perfesser, a jolly old bloke,
Made love to a cow as a joke,
     He found pleasure divine,
     With this friendly bovine,
Now they call him "the old cowpoke"!
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Thanks to Paul Benoit