Great Things About Being A Gay Man  (Part 1)

-- You truly don't care who Julia Roberts is sleeping with.
-- You understand the difference between 43 brands of imported vodka.
-- You can call anyone "honey" including pets.
-- You know someone who definitely was in the emergency room with
   Richard Gere and the gerbil.
-- You understand the immense importance of good lighting.
-- You can be at a crowded disco the size of two football fields
   and still spot a toupee.
-- You can tell a woman you love her bathing suit, and mean
   her bathing suit.
-- You can explain the nuances between steady date, boyfriend
   and lover.
-- You really have "been there, done that".
-- Your women friends will tell you everything you want to know
   about their boyfriends. And that means everything.
-- You're the only type of male who gets to say "fabulous."
-- You can have naked pictures of men you don't know in your home.
-- You can have naked men you don't know in your home.
-- You know how to handle the telephone like a Stradivarius.
-- You understand why the good Lord invented spandex.
-- You understand why the good Lord didn't intend everyone to wear it.
-- You know how to get back at just about everyone.
-- You only wear polyester when you mean to.
-- You can smile to let someone know you can't stand them.
-- You can freeze a troll from 20 feet away.
-- You're good pals with women other people can't stand.
-- You've always got an opinion.
-- You've read the book, seen the movie, done the musical.
-- You know how to dress strategically.
-- Your car has an amusing female name.
-- You're the only one at your high school reunion who looks
   a lot better than you did in high school.
-- You've got at least one framed picture of a pet.
-- If your mattress could talk, it would be Joan Rivers.
-- You know that sex complicates things. So?
-- You know that being called a "cheap slut" isn't actually an insult.
-- There's a married guy somewhere who is terrified of you.
-- Nobody tells you what to do in bed...unless you tell them what
   to tell you.
-- You have a medicine chest stocked for any occasion.
-- You have at least one movie musical on video.
-- You're not embarrassed to sing in a piano bar.
-- You're embarrassed by people who sing in piano bars.
-- You never hold a grudge for longer than a decade or two.
-- You know how to make an entrance.
-- You know when to make an exit.
-- You worry about people you don't even know - like Liza Minnelli.
-- You choose the most fabulous greeting cards.
-- You know how to program your VCR.
-- You've got sunscreen at every conceivable SPF level.
-- You have a cologne display worthy of Bloomingdales.
-- You understand, viscerally, Joan Crawford.
-- Some of your best friends are your ex-lovers.
-- You know when to play dumb.
-- You know what to do for a hangover.
-- Yes, you do have a condom.




Thanks to Paul Benoit